journal entry

I’d journal in my notebook but it’s 5:11am and I don’t have the willpower to get out of bed. It’s also my 19th birthday and my favorite person in the world is laying in bed next to me. Asleep. I constantly fall more in love with him every day and I never knew a feeling like this was possible. Anyways I’m stressed as hell.

I got called into a meeting today with the area director of my school. Someone reported my “marijuana usage” by screenshotting online pictures of me smoking. This is against the rules even though I could say it was all off campus (it wasn’t) but they have no physical proof. I wasn’t caught with my weed or pipe or pills and that would be proof. Or even an RA saying I smell like weed or some crazy shit. 

The crazy thing is that my university is more concerned about my mental health than the weed. So I’m not even in trouble for it….

I had all A’s and B’s last semester but this semester is rough and I’m failing the majority of my classes. 

I’ve been so fucking depressed. Everything is exhausting for me. I have multiple mental illnesses and see a psychiatrist. I’m on a shit ton of meds. They were more concerned about me killing myself than me smoking weed. 

So I might get to fully withdraw from all of my classes and it will be like this semester never happened. I won’t have F’s on my transcript. It would be called a medical withdrawal and I wouldn’t be put on academic probation or anything. I wouldn’t get any credit for this semester but at least I wouldn’t have F’s on my transcript.

If I do this I have to leave campus and school isn’t over for over a month. So I’m trying to move in with my boyfriend but his roommates are assholes. As well as ex-friends of mine. They want to have a meeting about me moving in. Although the initial​plan was me to move in when the semester ends anyway. 

Well TODAY I figure out if I can fully withdraw from all my classes which is what I’m hoping for. It’s currently 5:22 and I have a meeting at 10:30 for this. 

I’ll journal again because I need to start writing more. It’s a release and an escape. It’s an internal rant. 

Ugh.

Happy Birthday to me 

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